Adele - Make You Feel My Love

When the rain

Is blowing in your face

And the whole world

Is on your case

I could offer you

A warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows

And the stars appear

And there is no one there

To dry your tears

I could hold you

For a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you

Haven't made

Your mind up yet

But I would never

Do you wrong

I've known it

From the moment

That we met

No doubt in my mind

Where you belong

I'd go hungry

I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling

Down the avenue

No, there's nothing

That I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

The storms are raging

On the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

Though winds of change

Are throwing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing

Like me yet

I could make you happy

Make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends

Of the Earth for you

To make you feel my love

P/s : I think this is a beautiful-beautiful love song....

The day my least fave purple shirt turned to out to be my lucky charm....

It was like any other working day...
Except this time, I was actually early for an assignment. LoL.
Due to that, I was asked by the PR company if I wanted to join Tes*co SuperMarke*t Sweep Challenge with two other media and seven top Tesc*o Clubcard members...
Since I had to wait another 30 mins for the main event to start (and nak makan lunch pun macam tak sempat je), I said yes...

You see, the participants had to compete with each other to hunt down 50 Price Cut product items (the challenge is in conjunction with the launch of Tesco Price Cut Campaign) in 20 mins.
The speediest  not only take home all the items in their respective trolley but also some cash vouchers...

There were 10 teams - which consist of a participant and a Tesco staff - and each was given different set of items to look for.
Like yours truly, it was snacks, chocolates and biscuits.
Ada yang dapat household essentials like rice, minyak masak; ada yg dapat pet food, drinks and ice-cream; and ada yang dapat personal care products....etc.

Dengan baju kerjanya, and heels (lucky it was only kitten heels!), pun berlarilah macam nak gila cari barang...
Ok, we have shopped at that Tesco a few times before but, seriously, when u nak cari barang tu, masa tulah tak jumpa kan...
I was lucky to get a very competitive and cekap partner...

We managed to sampai the cashier 9 mins before time habis..
Masa tulah organizers confused siapa yg patut doublecheck and tally our loot...
After like 2 mins, barulah nak kira and found out satu item tersalah ambil..
Apa lagi, i ran as fast as i could to cari the correct oreo cookies, while my partner check barang di counter...

Then, problem lagi, the price of our items tak tally dgn the list..
We just print out the receipt and run as fast as we could (dgn trolley skali) ke info counter...

Muka penat tengah tunggu the judges buat keputusan rasmi

Selepas double check, we found out it was OK and we dapat 2nd price!!
Which is RM2K worth of vouchers! Alhamdullilah sangat!
First place won RM3k worth of vouchers, 3rd place (RM1K) and consolation (RM200). Each of us won whatever in the trolley too...
Which, most of it i bagi to my partner....

Menteri KPDKK, Datuk Seri Ismail Sabri Yaakob and CEO Tesco Stores Malaysia, Tjeerd Jegen during the price giving ceremony.... (Picture courtesy of UMMB)

My partner : Holisah who helped a lot during the race

 It was a great, unexpected day indeed!
And I thank my husband who practically forced me to get out of the bed early morning to lari-lari anak around the block. lol...

And finally, dapat juga merasa macam mana participant that game show dulu-dulu (Supermarket Sweep) rasa... :-)

Ai Ai Captain!

A short entry :

Went to Terengganu recently and this is Si Bunga's fave pose! :-)

Birth announcement

Caught your attention didn't i? :-P

I was having a hard time remembering the tajuk of my thesis and cara yang paling senang is of course, to google my name. bukan vain ke apa, ok, but when i started working dulu, i selalu sesaja type my name kat google out of boredom.

the search results then, well, takdela memberangsangkan. hanya satu page with a few list of names yang similar dgn i and of course, my research tittle. :-)

ishk i dah lari topik. anyway, since i've been trying to remember the research i did eons ago, i pun type la nama i ni..kali ni lebih satu page la..and i was having a hard time finding the info i wanted.

cari punya cari, i got a pleasant surprise! This : beritabernama newsletter ...altho salah tarikh, but it still sangat sangat bermakna dalam hidup!

I love you both mama and papa! forever and ever!!

Btw, i still tak jumpa the exct page i wanted (maybe becoz my former supervisor dah pindah uni) but if you guys are interested, my research citation can be found here and here

Kiasu-isme

I nak carut. seriously nak je mak carut kat Malaysians yang tak appreciate being Malaysians or rather, proud of our local product.

I'm not saying ALL our local products is good.

But, ada banyak je yang standard tinggi, export quality.

Padahal banyak je local bizs, SMEs are doing us proud!

I was at GE Mall this afternoon to meet my in-laws...

As I was in the lift, nak balik to my car, theres 2 Malaysian relatively not-so young ladies dekat belakang i, going to the same floor.

Lady 1 : Malaysia's beef is not as good as export quality beef.

Lady 2 : True...thats why i always buy my beef everytime I'm in Singapore! *bangga*

Moi : WTF!!??

Picture from Google

Nasib baiklah mak nak cepat and teringat semangat 1Malaysia.

Kalau tak, nak je mak cakap : Do you ever eat at any restaurants (tak kiralah mamak ke, kedai tom yam ke, kedai mak tipah ke, kedai tepi lorong ke, or even restaurants high class here)? have you ever asked if they use local meat or the ones from India or Oz?? I bet most of them use local meat as it is much cheaper and if you cook something right, or delicious enough, it doesn't really matter if its local or imported no?

Btw, do u drink milk? Do u drink Dutc* Lad*'s milk? If u do, and u find it tasty enough, u are drinking local cow's milk. Even multinational companies uses our local dairy!

Kalau bangga sangat singapore's meat, where do u think they get their supplies? and don't u think ada je imported meat here in malaysia...what an idiot!

Work, Family, Life

I seriously think working mothers are Wonderwomen, esp. those who doesn't have a helper at home.

No, its not one of my 'masuk bakul, angkat sendiri moment', but a serious thought i have right now.

(and I don't think I'll ever be one of these Wonderwomen, as most of the time I think I suck at juggling both career and motherhood).

But seriously, how can one woman, wakes up in the morning and do all the household chores and have the energy to complete a 8-12 hours job and then balik rumah, finish up whatever she needs to do before sleep and be in the cycle again the next day....

Yes, Time management is the key. and i have yet to master it. *sigh*.

Anyway, i totally tabik spring kepada kesemua ibu di dunia, sama ada yang berkerjaya ataupun suri rumah....bila you dah jadi seorang ibu, barulah tau cabaran tanggungjawab ni kan?

My first (of many) New Year Resolution for 2011 : To become a happy mummy at home and at work.

Si Bunga the Chatterbox

My dancing Ladybug is going to be 2 soon!

My husband and i still remember during our last visit to Aquaria last Aidilfitri when a mother asked me what my daughter can say. During that time, Dahlia was near her daughter, obviously nak berkawan., dekat depan the big tank.. It goes like this (or something along the line) :

Mom keypohchi : Anak you umur berapa?

Moi : Nak masuk dua tahun bulan 12 ni...

MK : Oh, anak saya dah 2 tahun dah....anak awak boleh cakap apa?

Moi : (taken back sebab tetiba tanya pasal tahap keupayaan percakapan anak) dia dah boleh cakap sikit-sikit, kebanyakan bahasa dia la...

MK : Anak saya dah boleh cakap, boleh baca Alif, Ba, Ta sampai Ya....

Moi : (senyum ajer).

And then, since her daughter takdelah plak nak bercakap dgn my daughter yang sedang menghulurkan tangan nak pegang utk berkawan, i just tunjuk Dahlia some of the impressive fish yang ada....

Yes, my almost 2 year-old daughter tak reti bercakap then. She can says Mama, Abah, Atuk, Papa, Nenen very well...(kalau nak susu je, sendiri amik botol and cakap nak nenen)

Yes, she can't recite the Alif, Ba, Ta until Ya yet...but i'm sure she'll be able to recite them at her own pace...

But, she is a brilliant-brilliant child, which after only a few months, dah pandai cakap and such an entertainer, a happy-go-lucky toddler...

She can sing some of Sesame Streets and Barney's song. Walaupun tak berapa jelas, but you know which song she's singing.

She can now cakap "3,2,1...blast off!" before saying "The Sky!" (please tgk Barney : The Space), she understands the concept and meaning of "Terima Kasih" and "Thank you"...and says "Akum" sebelum masuk pagar and rumah...

She can identify which one is her Abah, Mama (which sometimes she would cheekily calls us by our nicknames "Abi" or "Anne"), Atuk, Mak, Mami and Papa for her grandparents, Abang Afeeeq, Achak, Jojo for her cousin and uncles.

She would call my Bro-in-law, Yuyu or whenever she tgk logo Starbucks, Yuyu! sebabnya, my BIL tu kerja di Starbucks and of course, almost sentiasa pakai their t-shirt.

She calls my best friend, Mami Jess.

She calls herself Baby (tho we are still trying to identify isit becoz she thinks she saw another toddler dkt mirror or mmg dia panggil diri dia Baby) or Lia.

She will jawab 'OK' when u ask her to wait or something. and she can count...1 to 10 (with a few nos missing..)

And she can say "No" if she doesn't want anything....

She can handle and play with an iphone, dvd player withe ease.

Like most toddlers, she loves the phone, pc...camera! :-P

She loves to sing esp. when she's alone and dance...and would entertain us whenever she can, sometime out of the blue e.g while we were having brekkie.

And boy, can she play!


And yes, like all parents who adores their child, I'm gushing about my almost 2 year old daughter. :-)

Berbuka puasa di pejabat

One might think berbuka puasa di pejabat is a sad, sad thing. Yelah, tak dapat berbuka bersama keluarga, makan air tangan ibu (or kaum keluarga lain) sambil menikmati gelak ketawa mesra family....

But in Utusan, keadaan a bit berbeza. Yes, you still tak makan masakan ibu, but u are definitely not lonely.

Utusan has this tradition -- Berbuka puasa beramai-ramai. Macam you pergi kenduri kawin, macam tu lah berbuka puasa di Utusan.

Akan ada dua meja panjang yang dijadikan meja bufet lauk (both placed at opposite corners) and beberapa meja panjang (and of course seats) utk mereka berbuka.

Lauk, buah and kuih-muih are usually disediakan oleh pihak katering/kantin and there are some occasions where companies like banks, glcs akan sponsor the berbuka puasa by having their own caterers datang ke our office.

i think for them lagi senang buat macam tu berbanding nak jemput sorang-sorang berbuka di hotel and tak tau sama ada akan datang ke tak....plus, it is also an opportunity for the companies to jumpa the bosses and staff sendiri and interact, daripada nak jumpa masa event biasa...

Unlike the years before where the berbuka is usually held kat dewan kecik yang nicknamed, Ballroom Utusan, this year is a bit different. We all berbuka di kawasan padang lapang (sikit) dalam compound office ni, di bawah khemah.

This is because 'Ballroom Utusan' dah jadi kecik sebab bahagian baru kosmo took over half of the dewan. Jadi tak muat dah untuk semua warga utusan.

For those yang tak tau, Kosmo is under the Utusan group and the editorial deparment yang terletak di jalan chan sow lin ni consists of Utusan, Jawi, Suppliment, Kosmo, Photography and its graphic unit.

Our marketing is based in PJ, while Corp. Comm and HR is in Wisma PGRM and Majalah and printing di Bangi. (Don't ask me why its all merata...)

So, sekali berbuka puasa adalah lebih kurang 150 orang, akan ramai esp minggu kedua, ketiga puasa sebab masa tu peak nak siapkan stock story/page sempena persediaan nak raya...

and, the majlis berbuka ni akan start dari hari pertama puasa, sampailah ke hari terakhir sebelum raya!

Although i takdela akan berbuka setiap hari di pejabat, tapi, every year since i started working here 6 years ago, this has been part of my working life.

like today - the first ramadan 2010.

In a way, i'm glad that utusan organise this every year without fail (ingatkan tahun ni takde since takde dewan). it really does mendekatkan lagi warga utusan. i get to talk/see ppl that i don't normally bump into....

eventho berbuka dengan keluarga lagi seronok, having this tradition make the company unique in its own way.

Apart from that, the surau also organises terawikh and for those who work untuk the weee hours at night, sahur pun disediakan....

From childhood friends to married couple...

The first picture of us. The event that brought us together.

Sonnet 43 - How do I love thee? Let me count the ways by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Boy, how time has fly...sedar-sedar dah tiga tahun we've been married.

And yet i could still remember the time I asked Abah (my FIL), "Abang Fitri mana, Uncle?" masa balik sekolah dulu.... :-)

Three years of love, happiness and lots of laughter, with of course like every other couple - some not fun moments.

Nevertheless, that is life and i bersyukur dengan setiap pemberianNya.

In 3 years time, a few things that we have endured & accomplished : long distance relationship (which i am grateful it was only kl-melaka), having a beautiful baby girl, our first apartment and adjusting to our new life di luar sarang keluarga.

Suami, thank you for loving me and accepting me as i am. thank you for being there and truly listen to all my ramblings. thank you for the understanding. thank you for being a wonderful son and son-in-law, husband and father.

So, Abi dearie...semoga jodoh kita berpanjangan, sempai kita tua kerepot pun we still sayang-menyayangi, jadi romantic couple ok? :-)

I love you dulu, kini & selamanya....*hugs & kisses*

Announcements!

I don't know how to say this but here goes :

Fitri and I are going to be parents!!

Actually i tested positive when i did the home pregnancy test last couple of days tapi i kept mum sebab tak confirm dengan Dr lagi..
takut bikin malu je kan?

So today, after waiting for 3 hours for my turn, the Dr confirmed!
Syukur-syukur sangat....

I'm in my 6 weeks and date due is 7th Dec. 2008....
WoW..!

Still tak percaya, yet so happy!!

April 2008 is such a beautiful month....ada lagi berita baik (well at least for me)....

I'm going here :

Hong Kong Disneyland

This 26-28th April....Media trip for the launch of its latest attraction... :-D

oh, what a day!

journey

This entry berkongsi sedikit sebanyak perjalanan hidupku sepanjang 28 tahun...there's a lot of things i wanted to share tapi buat sikit-sikit dulu la kot...(alasan malas nak cari and scan more pixs ;-D)


I was born at 3.54 pm, 3rd April 1980 di Hospital Uni*versiti (now of course renamed to Pusat Peru*batan Uni*versiti Mala*ya) via C-section...My dad cakap masa i lahir, i was as big as sebotol botol kicap....memula tak percaya coz papa has this knack to exaggerate stuff...but when i see this pix, maybe he's right....hahaha...(needless to say, i stayed comel and ketot until now...hahah)..

I'm not too sure when this pix was taken, maybe when i was 4 years old lah kot. As you can see, i'm a tad tomboyish...suka gila main keta...maybe sebab tu i drive like a typical crazy malaysia drivers...hahahaha..i think this was taken when the family was living in Sabah...tglah tv yang kat background tu...gila antik, ok?

When I was close to 6 years old, the family moved back to KL and we lived in Taman Sri Ram*pai, Seta*pak...Thats me and my then 4 years old bro dok makan durian and lemang...for those ppl yg rasa pelik, thats how my family eat our durian...gila syok! its similar to pulut durian tapi takdelah berkuah..to compliment the whole meal, kopi...kononnya nak hilangkan bau lah... :-D btw, jo of you are reading this...cute hair! hahaha (my dad selalunya potong my bro's hair sebab dia akan melalak if pergi mamak...)

My bro really hates this pix...sebab rambut dia macam porcupine terlebih hormon! hahahahaha..the middle was my cousin In-in...masuk bakul angkat sendiri moment kejap : i really like the way i look masa ni..hehehe...ok-ok this picture was taken kat Zo*o Nega*ra...seronok sangat pergi zoo masa kecik, even i pernah ponteng sekolah masa high school and pergi sini! :-D

masa ni i menyibuk kat my bro's kindergarten's day....my mom and i was there to support my bro yang kena menari-nari kat atas pentas, and since i was wearing the baju arab, his teacher suruh i join sekali...gila interframe! hahahahahaha...needless to say, sampai sekarang my bro, jo, ingatkan i about that nite....


These are my gang, my 'sisters' from C*BN*...even sampai sekarang we are great friends! (sorang je sorta dah melarikan diri daripada us lepas sekolah...a bit sad about that but i do hope to see her one day..)..Depan tu Ap*in, second Lu*t, belakang me is Dinie*e, then Tin*a and Je*ss. This pix was taken dekat Stadiu* Merd*eka during our school's sports day..Yes, tuan-tuan dan puan, my school takde padang utk buat hari sukan and we had to do it elsewhere..ada padang tapi takat untuk main bola jaring bolehlah...

My classmates masa form 4 and 5 kat CB*N lepas gotong-royong sekolah...masa ni best gila coz no classes and lagu-lagu best was blaring throughout the whole school masa we all dok mencuci sekolah...i think my class ditugaskan utk membersihkan the kawasan kantin....


masa ni i tengah matiks kat Inpen*s (franchise college under UP*M)...we were actually tengah belajar anatomy tikus...seronok ok belajar science! masa kat lab semua dok perasan jadi doktor..hahaha...


kat atas ni adalah antara gang-gang i masa di UP*M Terengga*nu...gang masa belajar ni campur-campur, takdelah semua ambil marine...studying in teren*ganu best gila coz campus sebelah pantai je and we would always have the opp tu melepak di tepi pantai if bosan...peliknya takde orang yang berdating kat sana...takut kena kantoi kot...gambar ni ambil masa 1st year and our gang was still growing...i was trying to find a pix where semua orang ada but satu pun takde...tp, yg ni yang ada my closest girl-friends...


so inilah entry pada hari ini...nanti bebila kita tambah lagi... :-D

saya teraniaya!

i don't know how to feel...marah + sedih at the same time...well, i nangis dah tadi....

why?

well, i received an invitation from the pr agency yang handle o*lympus. 3 days trip from kl-kerteh-redang to test out their latest camera and ada this environ awareness program...i was so teruja when i received the email/invite...last year i went for their 4x4 trip kat tanjung malim (boss yang bagi) and i had such a blast (mana reti ambil gambar pun masa tu tapi other media and the o*lympus staff yang ada were really-really helpful..)and i wrote a pretty ok article using the pictures i took after that...

i printed out the email and bagi kat dragonlady and said "saya nak pergi trip ni"..she said yes and we discussed on the features that i could write..me being such a good person, pergilah isi borang tugasan luar (minta permission and elaun kerja) and bagi to the Big Boss to validate.

i bagi the borang the same nite and tanya if boleh pergi or not to the BB, he said nnt dia tgk and since the trip is end of april, dia kata tak perlu rush. i was like..what?? i dah nak bercuti masa tu and the agency surely nak confirmation awal la kan? dia tak pikir that sense ka??

anyhow...i went bercuti and the 1st (or isit 2nd...no matter) day of work, Lady Boss (lagi tinggi pangkat daripada DL, cakap BB tak bagi i pergi and she would assign a journo from the state pergi.

i was crushed sebab kenapa i tak dapat pergi, whereas ppl from other desk boleh je pergi state or overseas trip...dah lah plak the trip yg i nak pergi ni fully sponsored and i asked for elaun bodoh jer. (minta pun sebab its my right as a pekerja when u go tempat lain to do work).

tapi i redha la sebab ada gak org nak pergi as this contact is really close to us. (the pr wasn;t happy that kena hantar budak state and oped that dak kl pergi. i said the decision is not at my hand, so takleh nak cakap apa..)

i bgtau DL and dia pun marah lah kenapa nak kena suruh budak state pergi and takkan nak budak kl ni duduk and buat story around kl jer....tak berkembang langsung...and she told me kecoh sikit kenapa i dapat pergi. wtf? i bukan pergi suka-suka like that, plus it was my contact and my boss said ok...

aleh-aleh today, a colleague of mine (sama office) bgtau that she is going for the trip yg i nak pergi tu. i takdelah marah or jealous kat dia. not her fault that BL bg the asgmet to her tapi i was terkejut and crushed. gila babi patah semangat nak kerja ok?

kata nak hantar budak state tapi rupanya hantar same office. kenapa tak je cakap yg diaorg mmg taknak hantar i and give me a God damn reason. kalau prestasi kerja i merosot pun, let me know lah. ni tak, not a single word and lepas tu buat cam ni sekali.

gila terasa sangat-sangat teraniaya! i HATE this job. i hate the politics.

i guess kena terima the decision and cakap takde rezeki. but still i tak puas hati kenapa buat mcm tu sekali. gila babi cold blooded cruel.

uweeekk~!

No...i'm not having morning sickness ke apa...more like getting sick and tired of work...i've been bit*ching about work to Abi for the last couple of weeks and pretty sure he's sick of that too.. :-)

arrghhh..esok off tapi still banyak nak kena siapkan. if not, mati kena sembelih la nanti by dragonlady and another boss (which is pangkat lagi tinggi lah)...sama ada they will call you during cuti or they will bising (and prolly transfer you to another desk) bila habis cuti....*sigh*

whateveritis, i'm sick sick sick of work.! esok nak pergi brekkie, pedi/manicure with Sabb (and prolly Nana too) di Bangsar and after that, masuk office...

bukan mengular ye tuan-puan, but esok my cuti dah officially start but unoffically i still have to work. so, masuk office pun ikut suka lah juga. takpelah kerja 8 jam and claim couble pay lah esok gayanya.. :-P ...

so, thats the reason why i haven't been updating this blog. busy...busy sangat! semalam balik-balik dari office (dalam pukul 10+pm) terus "tidur macam kayu" - which basically means tidur mati.

*sigh* not healthy langsung!

and today hari sabtu and i'm still at the office trying to finish some work. penat penat penat. baru balik putrajaya, assignment yang sangat lama....

sebelum i membosankan you guys, i should stop and sambung kerja...*sigh*

Pilihan Raya Ke-12

I've exercised my right to vote today. For the first time, since my name was registered in the electorial roll on my 21st Birthday, I voted. (I missed the previous election due to the fact i was living in Langkawi, working and it was a hassle nak balik kl masa tu..oklah, not to mention, i malas) :-D

Pusat Mengundi	KAFA INTERGERASI AL-MAARIF AD-DINIAH BUKIT ANTARABANGSA
Saluran	5

Thats where i went to cast my vote. Let me tell you, it was nervewrecking!

I went there tengahari (kinda show my 'enthusiasm' kan?) whereas my parents pergi awal pagi lagi..and i wasn't sure who to vote for pun, even until i was parking my car at the end of the parking space in front of the Kafa. As i was walking toward the tempat mengundi, i could see 2 khemah PKR and BN thats filled with their supporters, hoping to fish in more last minute support from the voters...

didn't go to any of the khemah. My mind and heart was set : cast your vote and then terus cabut. buat muka rilex jer (padahal kat dalam jiwa, bergolak sebab nervous tak ingat) and walk slowly ke dalam kafa tu...

police where everywhere...bukan je kat depan the kafa, in fact maning setiap the saluran (or rather kelas) mengundi. selepas menunjukkan my i/c yang ada gambar muka i sembap sebab baru habis menangis tu, i masuk the bilik and again, had to show my ic yang buruk tu...my name was called outloud by the register guy dalam bilik tu. He and a couple other s*p*r personal also crossed my name from their respective list. given my kertas mengundi. yellow and orange. *blink*blink*.

semua orang muka serious (xcpt the 2 policemen yang lead me to my voting room tu je yang senyum kat i..)..yang lain, i nak senyum pun takut.

there was 2 booth mengundi in that class and i took the furthest one..buka je terus *blink*blink* lagi. "God nak mengundi mana ni??" blur gila ok?!

i seriously took my time, sampai ada org kena tunggu i! hahahahaha..padahal sebelum tu mana ada line pun. :-P

so tempted nak buat split votes tapi i resisted. dah tanda yang mana i nak..terus masukkan dalam the peti undi transparent tu and keluar from the class. my heart was beating fast thoroughout the whole procees!

evenwhen i was walking to my car, jantung berdegup laju. i just pray that i made the right decision.

as i was walking, lalu depan khemah p*K*r (B*n's was at the other end), which was across the road and one guy was said to me : "So kita boleh tgk harga minyak turun la, ye?". that made me chuckle (he was laughing with me) and then i terus masuk kereta.

he managed to distract my nervousness and i continued home. now, papa and myself kat living room tgh dgr the announcement. it will be a long night.

lost

do you at times rasa that you're lost? and what you have done is not enough? today, my almost perfect day is shattered. i found out my b*sses bising about my work. apparently what i wrote wasn't enough and katanya, my quality kerja menurun.

i've been hearing (dulu) one of them cakap that kawin je kerja menurun. i'm so pissed off coz how dare she said things like that without cermin diri sendiri! don;t she know that ppl are working their a*s off. sacrificing their time for work and have lil else apart from that! and i have to give it to my colleagues, they bear with it and telan. i guess, my limit dah sampai kot coz i don't want to be the person who utamakan kerja and let everything that matters to me slide. i balance my time.

unfortunately....

i'm sad. sedih sampai menangis the whole day and sampai rumah je, terus tidur. bayangkan tidur dari pukul 8 pm until 1 am. (i'm sure boleh tidur until the next morning but my mom's constant call for me to eat and the need to talk to fitri buat i bangun), wanting to shut the world away. the sakit hati is unbearable. not just that, lets just say, self esteem pun barely there.

you see, starting 1 jan, i buat this promise to myself that i would be a better person, a better jour*alist. so i work my a*s off to make sure tak tertinggal datelines, story better etc...but when i heard the news today (a colleague bgtau me tru the phone/sms), my heart just stop...memula numb and as soon as i letak the phone, nangis tak ingat....

i'm tired. tired of trying, work hard and then aleh-aleh kena kutuk belakang. i know myself and i know that i do a lot of research to do my writeups, bukan pakai bahan sedia ada buat suka hati, syok sendiri, kaki mengampu or ambil assignments/fax orang and made it as its for me! i've sacrificed a lot! but maybe my best is not enough. or maybe this work is not for me....*sigh*

some ppl would say that i should be stronger but i dunno. rasa cam dah nak give up. the thing is, now i'm lost and i don't know what i should do or what i'm good at. kira cam semangat dah lebur. *sigh*.

maybe they are true, maybe kerja i ntah pepe nowdays...lots if maybes. lots of self-doubt. lots of questions.

i wish hubby is here so he could wipe the tears away.

there goes my new year resolution.

Kids

I was writing about something else early this morning, but only half way because i was already sleepy as it was already 1 am..saved it and until now tak sambung. maybe later when i'm really-really free...

this entry lain sikit sebab an experience i had when i visited a rumah kebajikan today and i wanted to write about it before i forget...

this morning i had an assignment (in journo world, assignments are events/interviews that kena cover), dekat a rumah kebajikan in che*ras. it was actually about a pharmaceutical company that donated RM280,000 worth of vaccines to 6 institutions under Kementerian Pem. Kelu*arga & M'syakat. the first lady was there and admittedly, she's really baik but nampak sedikit nervous lagi around ppl....anyway, thats beside the point.

lepas the whole ceremony, as we go around the nursery we saw quite a number of babies and toddlers yang tengah makan. (older kids takde sebab time sekolah).

the rumah kebajikan houses 172 kids from 1 day old to 18. (42 sehari-1 y/old, 58 2-6 y/olds and the rest 18).

the rumah kebajikan for me, is really nice and large compared to a few rumah kebajikan i've been before. maybe becoz its under the kementerian and situated tengah-tengah bandar., bukan handled by ngos.

the rumah kebajikan jaga kids who are abandoned by their parents, or families yang tak berkemampuan nak jaga they all, parents yang menjalani hukuman penjara or yang kena dera or anak-anak yatim piatu. ada yang sebab arahan mahkamah.

the kids that i saw today were really-really cute (budak mana tak comelkan?) and well behave! tak percaya but really! tak taulah sebab diaorang terkejut/gembira kot coz there was a lot of ppl there today, most of them were in the nursery...

what i saw was : some babies yang still kena bedung was sleeping soundly without care apa yang happening around them...bigger ones tgh kena suap makan bubur dekat the baby chair and minum susu botol di sofa/katil (helped by kakitangan the home), some were playing in the playpen...

i went to a nearby crib and there was a lady who kerja kat rumah kebajikan tu yang tengah tepuk-tepuk one baby, about 4 months old, to sleep. the baby was really-really quiet (maybe sebab dia sleepy) and tgh suck her thumb....

i said, "comelnya dia isap jari".

lady replied kindly, "adik, kebanyakan budak-budak sini isap jari..sebab mak dia takde.."

that made my heart break...big time.

it is sad when we see all this kids, so innocent and powerless...undoubtedly they are loved and cared for at that home, but i'm sure they need more than that...

the lady cakap lagi, "most kids here tak diambil (as anak angkat), sampai ada yang sampai besar kat sini...).. maybe sebab orang taknak isi paperwork, takut atau taknak bother procedur yang leceh sikit...plus nowdays, u takleh pilih baby yang comel-comel je. habis yang tinggal ni pun nak rumah juga kan?"

what she said is true...most ppl mmglah nak baby comel. but then, all of us kenalah ingat every one- man, woman, kids, babies are God's gift....

even first lady pun mentioned that ppl nowdays are not as compassionate as before sebab banyak bagi priority pada benda lain - family sendiri, work and they forget that they are ppl who needs a little love, help...

i left the rumah kebajikan with a deep sense of sadness...wish that i didn't have to go... :-(